Out of shape

On Sat I went to get my outfit for the Valentines ball next week. It's a fairly "alternative" kind of event, so I'm not talking cocktail dress here. I found something along the lines of what I was after, and I just tried it on at home now as well. It looks cool and I think if I saw it on someone else, with the same body shape as me,  I wouldn't think they looked horrible or disgusting. But it's as if I can't come to terms with certain parts of my anatomy...

I'm not exactly a girly girl, and from the waist up I'm probably slightly androgynous looking - small tits, flat stomach (on good days;) short hair, and I'm tall-ish. But from the waist down I'm curvy as anything, with a proper pear shaped butt and curvy legs (whatever my weight, my legs are still hourglass-shape). I much prefer the slightly boyish look and I think the fact that I'm not one shape but two (two for one! something for everyone!) just doesn't look very good. Wearing anything too girly makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable, like a fraud and a clown. I'm sure there are deeply seated psychological explanations for this which may some day help to fund some therapist's vacation in the Caribbean. So checking myself out from behind made me whince slightly - I look like a such a woman. Bleurgh. It doesn't feel like me. I'm not after a sex change here or anything, far from it. But the curves, they're not me. I want to be flat, angular. Not skin and bones, but lean and toned. I know it's a bit of a joke considering my genes (my mum is far from angular), so really I should just try to accept it rather than being at war with myself. But it annoys me that I can't quite have either or - not a curvy woman's body (with boobs!!), and not an androgynous one.

Oh well, I have one week to go until it's time for the ball. Don't think I'll be able to achieve a great deal in terms of changing my shape by then! But I will at least try and keep the focus and keep up the exercise as I know that will help me feel more comfortable in my skin. Swimming has been great, and I also managed to get out for a lovely run this morning with my friends out in the country side - was so nice running along country roads, looking out over the snow-covered fields, in the pale winter sunshine! No travel and no socialising planned this week - work is looking like it could become absolutely ridiculous tho so I better make sure I don't let it stress me out too much, as that will no doubt make me turn to food for comfort.